Across the country

I guess I haven't been paying much attention to the news lately...somehow the same-sex marriage controversy in California managed to allude me until this morning. Of course I knew about the different arguments and court rulings from years ago, but I wasn't aware it was in the news again. I was brought up in church, taught the Bible, and geared toward certain standards of right and wrong. The older I get though, I start to wonder how you know for sure exactly how hard you should fight to be right. Is being right worth everything? Do I believe that homosexuality is a sin? Yes. Do I believe lying is a sin? Yes. Gluttony? Yes. Adultery? Yes. Jealousy? Yes. We all sin. We sin every single day. We sin and pray and ask for forgiveness knowing good and full well that we will sin again. Does that make us less of a sinner than a homosexual? I don't know. I know that Jesus loved the unlovable. I know that He reached out to those who were considered outcasts. I know that he would minister to people others wouldn't even go near. As Christians, we're supposed to aspire to ge like Jesus, right? Are we accomplishing that by alienating a group of people by telling them their lifestyle is sinful, disgusting, and unworthy of being recognized under the law? I don't think so. How can you witness to someone that you can't associate with. How do you witness to someone you've cast aside because their choices are against your beliefs? How can you expect someone to hear your words and see God's love in you when it is all hidden behind judgment and disdain? Personally, I believe same-sex marriage should be legally recognized. I don't agree with it as a moral choice and I would not choose to participate in that lifestyle, but I do not believe it is possible to reach people while simultaneously condemning and segregating them. Jesus met people where they were....not where He was...not where He wished they were. He took them with all their flaws. Perhaps we could strive to do the same.

"Bully": The Movie

Last night I settled in on the couch to watch a movie.  I flipped through Amazon Instant planning to choose between a comedy or drama.  The plan was to watch "Flight", but I happened across a new documentary called "Bully".  I'm not the type of person that regularly has "life-altering" moments after watching movies, but this in an exception.  I have never been as moved by anything as I was by this movie. 

If you haven't seen this movie, please find it and watch it.  Redbox, Amazon Instant, ITunes, and most big box stores carry it.  Never before have I seen a more disturbing representation of what happens every day in our schools.  This isn't a fictitious movie plot.  It's not a dramatized depiction aimed to create some sort of scandal.  This is an honest, real look at the lives of children who spend their days being absolutely tortured in schools across the country. 

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about this film is that it centers around real families that are dealing, in some cases, with the loss of their children.  These children were so tortured that they actually took their own lives in order to escape the pain.  Footage included in this documentary showed buses, hallways, and classrooms where children mocked, hit, and screamed at each other in full view of adults who stood by doing NOTHING! 

When parents came to the school officials, they are pacified and ignored.  This isn't an isolated incident.  It's not a school in another state that has an issue.  This is a world wide issue.  Every school should be dealing with this.  My mother talked about bullies when she attended school.  There were bullies when I attended school and there are bullies in schools now.  The only differences is that we have now made bullying so much more convenient. 

Children, many of whom are in grade school, are accessing social media websites.  While much of this interaction may be harmless, it can easily become an avenue for spreading hatred and rumors.  It's no longer enough that children are bullied at school; now bullying can follow them home.

I cried through most of the movie.  I wasn't bullied in school.  I had friends and family and an excellent support system.  I was happy and healthy and I never doubted my worth.  I didn't bully others, but I know that others were bullied. 

I wish I could say that I stopped it, but I didn't.  I didn't join in, but I just stood back and allowed it to happen...and that's what is happening now.  We are standing back and allowing children to be tortured.  We are standing back and watching while young people suffer to the point of taking their own lives. 

Teachers, Administrators, Staff, Parents, Friends, and most importantly--children need to become aware of the impact that bullying can have on a child.  They need to know that words can hurt.  They need to see it.  This movie can educate and inspire.  It ends with a phrase...Everything starts with one, and it does.  One person can change everything.  The child that is being bullied can be saved by one adult that steps in.  The bully can be changed by words from his/her parents.  The friend can get through to their peers who engage in hateful and hurtful behavior.  The child who has no friends can see their entire world change when one child reaches out to them. 

One person really can change everything.

Three Wooden Crosses

Even though it has been almost four years, every now and then something will happen that makes those years vanish in an instant. Tonight that something was a song. I was listening to my Ipod (on shuffle) and happened upon "Three Wooden Crosses" by Randy Travis. For a fraction of a second, I wanted to call her name and tell her that Randy Travis was playing. Those moments are the hardest.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to those first few seconds in the mornings. Usually it's after I've had a particulary vivid dream about her--I'll wake up and for a few wonderful seconds, I'll expect to hear her moving around in the house. The realization that inevitably comes is sometimes enough to make me cry.

  I guess I've been most surprised by the things I miss. I expected to miss her; she was my best friend. She was the person that I spent the most time with and the person that could make me laugh more than anyone. We had a relationship that many mothers and daughters would envy and she was the one person that I knew would move heaven and earth for me no matter what.

  Mama enjoyed taking care of people. She did everything around the house and even though I don't enjoy having to do the household chores she always took care of, that isn't even close to what I miss most about her. I miss our talks. We could talk for hours about anything. If I was complaining or ranting about something (shocking I know), she'd just sit and listen. When I finished (or paused a moment to breathe), she'd smile, look over at me and say, "Did the grumpy bug bite you?" No matter how mad or irritated I was I had to smile...I just couldn't help it. I smiled a lot when I was with her.

  I miss watching tv and movies with her. She loved funny shows and she'd laugh until she cried, but watching a sad movie with her was entertaining as well. Just as I reached the point of sobbing uncontrollably, she'd usually start shaking with laughter. She said it was nervous energy, but it's not easy to explain in a crowded movie theater.

There are times even now that I have the urge to pick up the phone and call her number. I'd give anything just to talk to her. She was such a huge part of my life that I have yet to discover all the vacant spots her absence has left. There are so many things about her that made her special and I hope she knew how blessed I felt to have her as a mother. She made up songs for me, songs that I'm so grateful to still remember. One was about a dog named Puff, not Spot, that thought he was a kitty cat. Though it sounds like a silly memory, I can hear her sing that song in my head and sometimes at night that's what gets me to sleep.

  The truth is the memories I have of her are the only things that get me through. Even though she's not here physically, I have to believe she can see things. I have to believe she knows that I am ok. I believe that she knows I'm getting the degree she always wanted me to get and I hope with everything in me that she sees that I have made it without her...just like I promised her I would.

  I wish I could hug her and tell her how much I love her, but those days are over for me. I have to remember all the times I did...and even though it still never seems like enough, I know that she knew how much I loved her. If you still have your mother in your life, never miss a moment to tell her how much you love her. Never miss a moment to hug her. Never miss a moment to tell her how much she is appreciated. When it is all said and done, those are the moments and the memories that you'll treasure.

My Grandparent's America

@toridykes:" My president is black, my senator is a lesbian and my congressman is gay. This is not your grandparents' America, and I'm ok with that." If you know me at all, and if you're reading this blog I assume you do, you know that I don't hold my tongue well. I typically do not involve myself in political discussions for that very reason. Things can get ugly fast. Today though, after reading the quoted tweet above, I simply could not stand to sit by and say nothing. I should first note that I wouldn't care if Barack Obama was purple if I thought he was a good for our country. I wasn't thrilled with either of our choices this go round, so I take issue with the comments about being too racist to support Obama. I also take issue with the fact that individuals feel led to inform me that a vote for Romney meant that I didn't care about human rights or women's rights. So in response to Tori Dyke's clever tweet, I have a few comments of my own. Unfortunately they are surpassing the 140 character mark at the moment. You're absolutely right. This isn't our Grandparent's America. My grandparents were good, honest people that made decisions based on morality, decency, and truth. My grandparents believed in God and the Bible and used those beliefs to guide them throughout their lives. My grandparents lived in a very different time. Our country made mistakes. People were mistreated--horribly, but they learned their lessons and moved forward. They knew the value of hard work and money. They didn't want people to give them anything. They wanted to earn it. They wanted to deserve it. My Grandparents believed that, as a country, we were founded on Christian beliefs. They prayed at home and in schools and they taught their children to do the same. A lot has changed since my Grandparent's America. We just made a choice between a Muslim president and a Morman candidate. When did that happen? When did it become okay in our society for a Christian candidate to not be on the ticket? When people were interviewed on the network coverage many were asked who they voted for and why. Over and over again Obama's stance on social issues was praised. Pro-choice, for same sex marriage, pro-gay rights. These are the views of the man who is leading our nation? One has to wonder what God is thinking right now. Regardless of my opinion, I will support Obama. He is our President and I will pray he leads us well. But, for the record, No--this isn't my Grandparents America, and I'm not okay with that.

The World of Work

Yesterday was a rough day....a really rough day. It wasn't necessarily that anything particularly out of the ordinary happened, but I was in a particularly out of the ordinary funk. I was ill from the moment I woke up. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the height of snippiness (or another word that I'm sure you can imagine), I was probably an 11...maybe even a 12.

Most days I don't dislike the work that I do. For the most part I get to enter data, manage spreadsheets, key payroll, and update folders. It's all pretty standard and I like it that way. I do interact with people on some level but and it is enough to make me feel like I am still part of the world without being overwhelming.

I don't dread coming to work. I've had jobs that I've dreaded and I'm so incredibly grateful that this is not one of those. Yesterday was just one of those days in which things began to build. I think it started with the e-mails....the ones where people asked questions that they wouldn't have needed to ask if they had simply read the first e-mail I sent. It probably continued with the meeting that was held next door in which about twenty people were batting around concerns and ideas which greatly impacted my ability to concentrate and it was topped off by a series of events towards the end of the day that taxed my patience to no end. I don't have a lot of patience and by the end of they day, I'd even exhausted my emergency supply!

When I got home yesterday afternoon, I realized something. I really, really like the people I work with. If I didn't, I'd probably go crazy, but I do. I walked out yeterday after a horrible day laughing with a good friend. No matter how bad things are, the people around me can laugh with me about it. They are some of the most compassionate people I've ever met and they always make me laugh. Whether it's a simply glance during they day to convey our mutual frustration or a conversation at lunch, I am continually blessed by these people and how much I enjoy spending time with them. They understand and that's important....and I guess in the dark cloud that was yesterday, that's the silver lining.

Musings....

This one jumps around quite a bit....but it's been that kind of day. :)


I can be a little critical at times. Catch your breath...I know...that's a shocking statement for those of you that thought you knew me so well. The truth is, I'd really like to be more optimistic about the state of society, but I am a realist and quite frankly society kind of scares me. There's a whole lot of barely functioning human beings out there and some that shouldn't be out there at all. Having said that, I've been thinking about a few things that would make the world (or at least my world) a better place.

It goes without saying that world peace, ending world hunger, and ceasing oppression of all groups of people in all forms would do a whole lot to help the world, but that's not exactly what I have in mind. I'm talking about the day to day stuff...the stuff that just gets under your skin....the stuff that makes you want to grab a yard stick and...well, you get the idea.

1) Make common sense more common. Whatever happened to common sense? It seems to have taken a permanent vacation and it's not just certain segments of society....it's everywhere. People have simply stopped thinking. They no longer require themselves to think logically or rationally. It is as if they have decided that making an educated, reasonable decision is simply too much trouble, so to heck with it...let's just act stupid! Quite frankly, I'm a lot more understanding of someone that is truly ignorant that I am of someone that chooses to remain in a state of stupidity.

2) If you ask a question, keep your mouth shut long enough for someone to answer you. Very little irritates me (and I'm sure others) more than to have someone ask you a question and then interrupt you two and three times before you can get the answer out. If you wanted to run your mouth, why didn't you run it before you asked me the question. This is in the same vein as the next part of this complaint. If you already know what you are going to do, don't bother asking me a question. I have no interest in wasting my breath informing you of an opinion only to have you inform me that you're going to completely disregard everything I just said and do it your way.

3) Do not double dip. It is gross and it is becoming an epidemic. Several recent group gatherings have convinced me that table manners have been sorely neglected in our society. If you have a community dip, and you feel the need to dip your chip more than once, the correct process involves breaking the chip up into smaller pieces prior to dipping...not double dipping. I do not want to share your germs or your spit.

4) Respect personal space. There are people that are huggers...something about hugging makes them feel all warm and fuzzy inside. God bless them. I am not one of those people. I hug people at holidays, when it will offend them if I don't, and any other time I am forced by social conventions to do so. Otherwise, I would appreciate it if you kept affection to yourself. It's nothing personal...I just don't feel the need to express my feelings for you in a way that involves smelling your shampoo.

5) Advice is appreciated when it is asked for...when it's not...not so much. I am 29 years old. I am unmarried and childless. My life is not incomplete. I do not live in a state of constant depression because I am looking for my other half. I am fine. I would be open to the idea of getting married and having children some day, but if it doesn't happen, I am ok with that. I could do without ever hearing another person ask me, "So, when are you gonna move out and get married?" or "Don't you want to have any kids? How old are you now?" My personal favorite is still "You just don't want to end up old and alone." Well, that's it then...I'll just get married so I won't grow up and be old and alone. That sounds like the foundation for a perfect marriage to me.


I think what the world needs most of all is a little more appreciation for differences in all aspects of life. Everyone doesn't need to be a cookie cutter of everyone else. Not everyone needs to be married. Not everyone is cut out to have a college degree. We need people to be cashiers, waiters, secretaries, etc. These are perfectly honorable occupations and we need to stop drilling the merits of college into student's heads. Sure, college is great. I'm going back myself. It can open up a world of opportunity and lots more money, but it can also put you in tons of debt and it doesn't guarantee you a job.

I believe that certain beliefs are important and the little stuff isn't so important. I believe that denominations are killing faith. People get so wrapped up in whether you go to this church or that church and whether you are Baptist or Methodist or Church of God that they forget the big picture. I think it's about God and believing and accepting Him.

People need to stop worrying so much about what experts say and start doing what they think is right and what works for them. You can spend your whole life not eating microwave popcorn and throwing out your cell phone because of this study and that study. You can stop feeding your children red dye and you can never eat another hot dog and tomorrow it can all be over. I understand not purposely endangering yourself, but living in fear of all these different diseases because some "expert" said it's bad is crazy.

This will offend people. You’ve been warned.

I think part of the reason I’m as outspoken as I am is because Mama wasn’t. She lived most of her life thinking things but not saying them. She would say them to me and I would constantly say, “Why didn’t you just tell him/her that?” and she’d say, “I didn’t want to cause trouble.” She worried so much about how what she said made other people feel that she gave very little thought to how not saying anything made her feel. Mama was always so “nice”. I’m not “nice” and I know that. I don’t want to be nice. I want to be honest. I want to be fair, but it is perfectly ok with me if I’m not “nice”. I think “nice” is fake. Nobody is always nice. People that pretend they are put on a great act. Mama was the absolute best person I ever knew. She cared about people more than anyone I knew and probably will ever know, but even she was not always as “nice” as she pretended to be. There were many times when she would have loved to tell someone exactly what she thought. Every so often if you hit her at just the right (or wrong..depending on your perspective) moment she would lose it, but those moments were few and far between.



Mama taught me a lot and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t realize just how smart she was until after she was gone. The way she raised me is a dying art. She told me to do things and I did them. If I didn’t do them, I was in trouble….and I knew it. I don’t remember getting a lot of spankings. I don’t remember getting fussed at a lot, but I do remember knowing not to do things that would get me in trouble. I knew my boundaries because I had been taught them. Mama told me that if I ever got trouble in school that “I had not seen trouble until I walked in that house.” I never asked what that meant. I never needed to know. I never tested it. She meant what she said and I knew it. I was taught to act like an adult by being around adults. Good behavior was expected and I knew it.



I don’t think children are different now. I’m sure some personalities respond better to some discipline methods, but the fact is….if your child is going crazy in public, whatever you’re doing…it’s not working. Eventually the child that is kicking and screaming in Target is going to have to go to school. They are going to have to learn to sit in a desk for hours and work….quietly. They won’t have the option of being removed and given a chance to calm down and cool off….unless of course we give them some special accommodations to assist them with the behavioral needs. Is that really what this world has come to? Children having “their moments” are allowed to act however they want and no one is supposed to be annoyed….and if they are, they’re supposed to be the people that should leave? I don’t think so.



Public places have rules….if your child is disrupting a public place, they should be the one to leave…not everyone else. Quite frankly I don’t think they have a right to be there if their behavior is not within socially acceptable guidelines. This is one of those situations where providing for one is infringing upon the rights of the many. Just because someone can't handle their child's temper tantrum doesn't mean the entire restaurant/mall/store/movie theater should have to be subjected to it...and it certainly doesn't mean that the other patrons should be the ones that have leave.


As you can see, this is a real hot-button issue for me as I've had many a meal ruined by a child that was out of control. I started to look online to see how many restaurants actually had child policies and the result was actually surprising. Larger cities have numerous restaurants that don't allow children and still other restaurants have child free nights. One restaurant that got a great deal of attention due to their no-children under six policy has actually posted 20% gains since the policy started and reports a extremely positive response (11 to 1) to the change.

I know I'm not going to change any minds here and I'm not trying to, really. It isn't my place to tell someone how to parent their child. I just want people to understand why I feel the way I do.

If I ever have children (I don't plan to, but if I ever do) I'll raise them the same way my mother raised me. I don't care how different from me they are. It doesn't matter--to me the philosophy doesn't change. She expected a lot from me. She expected me to act civilized and controlled and respectful--and I did. I did it because I knew she expected it and I didn't want to disappoint her. I also knew that embarrassing her in public would end badly for me. I wasn't afraid of her, but I respected her. She obviously did something right.